Tai Chi with Dr Paul Lam

Sunday, April 17, 2016

DECEMBER FIFTEENTH?!? (fast forward)

How sad is that? I haven't posted a thing, here on my blog since December 15, 2015? Wow. I knew that the holidays were a mess and I sorta shut down, but I had no idea I hadn't been back here in all that time.
A lot of things happened last year. We joyously welcomed Hunter Reed Cooper into our lives on March 30th. We celebrated an absolutely wonderful day, when Shawn and Lacy finally got married on May 1st. Then the world came crashing down when we lost Shawn on May 28th. Everything kind of spiraled after that. The summer came and went. So did fall. Every month, every day brought new heartaches as we though of all the things we'd planned and weren't able to fulfill due to Shawn's death. I tried to keep my head, but often that didn't work.
Everyone dealt with Shawn's death differently. We tried to hold it together. We tried to be supportive. We tried to help when we could. Sometimes things just didn't work. I don't want to blame anyone here, publicly. It just is what it is.

Thanksgiving everything just BLEW UP! For the first time, in my life, 55 years, I left my mom's before dinner, didn't spend Thanksgiving with my family and didn't intend to spend Christmas there either. And we didn't.
Freddy and I chose to go to Florida for Christmas. One of the hardest choices we've ever made. Didn't want to be home. Didn't want to be at Mom's. Didn't want to be with either of the girls, for VERY different reasons. So we bailed. We went somewhere that reminded us of no one. Somewhere completely new and different and NOTHING like Minnesota at Christmastime. It was wonderful and terrible. We had a great time and forgot about all our troubles and strife... for a little while. Christmas was really hard, without the family and chaos. I'd never do it again, like that. But it was worthwhile to get away from everything and everyone this year.

But we came back to all of the same'ole'same. So, it was just a respite. And it took several months for things to begin to figure themselves out. We saw Kolten in January, for lunch and a movie. My therapist told me to write Lacy a letter, so we wouldn't get into a verbal argument and I could say all of the things I'd been needing to say. I did. And then I re-did and re-did and re-did. It began as a thrashing, getting it all out, blaming her for everything. Then I rewrote several times and even had my therapist look it over and change several things. It had to be about my feelings because that's what hadn't been taken into account. I couldn't blame her for how I felt, but she needed to know how her actions made me feel. I gave it to her and told her that we didn't have to discuss it until she was ready. Guessing that will be, never.
Anne and Tyler figured out that they'd gotten way in over their heads in ND and decided that they had to make a move. Their seller graciously allowed them to get out of the contract and move by March 31st. Lacy and Kolten were getting on with their new "normals" and doing a pretty, darned good job. Lacy reached out to Anne and attempted to mend fences for their sake and the sake of the cousins. We started to come back together, as a family. So far, so good.
Anne, Tyler, Caddie and Hunter (oh yes, and Gauge) came to live with us in between houses. They found a nice place in MacGregor, IA. A good hour closer than Valley City, ND, thank goodness. Still too far away for Grammy, but closer.
And we lost BettyJane two weeks ago. Wow. She went into the hospital on March 6th, with pneumonia and respiratory and heart failure. Three days later, we put her in hospice, thinking it was only a matter of days. Well, that spunky, spicy, little spitfire pulled out an additional three weeks. She wasn't happy, but she just didn't want to die............ and then she did. She was so weak. She was so unhappy. She wanted to be with her Jackie again. We had a beautiful service for her, right at the Fountains, where she last lived. The Atrium was FULL! It was so moving to see so many people who really loved her.

So, now you are where we are. It's April in Minnesota. One day gorgeous, windows open, in the 70s. The next day (or previous) you're back in your winter coat! Gotta love it here. I'll try to keep up more often. I'll try to show off some more scrap layouts and kits. I'm on five different CTs (creative teams) is several different capacities, so I don't do nearly as much designing anymore as there are SO many who do it better than I.
That's All.
Love and Blessings.
Stay Safe.

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